bring it on, 2010

last year was hands down
(i guess that means you can't even vote on it, put your hand down)
the best year of my nearly 25 years...

this time last year i had no idea,
that in 2 weeks i would be on a first date and lovin life and and all things cc.
(driving all of you nuts with my giddy stories)

this time last year,
i had no idea where i would be living or working...
i am amazed how much my heavenly father blesses more and more daily


bring it, 2010.

as an FYI,

this blog, is going to slowly become the foto place,
as i have many coming up
and i know having 2 is quasi intense.

do i care? not much.

for christmas,
cc gave me all kinds of foto equips
and a workshop class i get to go to...
i have been gettin ready.

so excited.

bring it on.

a not love story and a love story...

(i originally wrote this post back in august, but hesitated to post it....
then i remembered that this is my blog.)

a long while ago we went and saw this movie.

beautiful, quirky, fun, real.

i love zoey deschanel and i really like this jeffery guy

(whom you might remember from ten things i hate about you...)

it is a non-linear look at what those relationships do to us...
the highs the lows the pain and the fun.

quite frankly, it felt like i was watching the last few years of my life on film.

they don't hide the fact that this movie isn't a love story.
its not really.

but she says:
"i found, with him, what i couldn't find with you."

that's really it.

99% of the people we date we feel this way about.

i have been thinking about it a lot because
i know i have hurt people before in telling them that it just wasn't it.
i spent so much time fretting over how to make it work,
when it just was't going to.

we left the theater, and had conversations about past relationships
and how funny it is that they lead you here.

we have to tough out those highs and lows and near-"it" experiences to get it.

i needed each one of those to learn what i know about myself now.
even though i have more to go

another true sign that my Heavenly Father loves me.

"and thy pain and affliction shall be but a small moment..."


thanks. i needed that.

you wanna know somethin pathetic slash fun?

this post right here,
the one you are currently reading,

it may or may not be
#300!!

[this is proof i need to get a life and stop blogging...]


in honor of the day,
i leave you with a few of my favorites.



moms say the darndest things

He gave me a swing

how we roll

thoughts from an airplane

i suck at sleeping

a too-personal love story

on air


its been a good time so far,
• west coast girl•

[formerly, west-coast-girl-east-coast-world]

forever a west coast girl now,
and happy bout it.


happy date night to you all!

(try the little urban spoon hoohah and go someplace fun!)
its over there ••••>

long-winded movie review #5 - The Proposal

deciding what movie to watch for date night:

cc: oh, well lets watch the trailors to decide.
me: yeah ok, this one looked funny...

[started to watch this trailor...]

cc: [stopping mid-movie and standing up] ok. lets go.

mm: you mean, i just won?!

it's essentially
meet the parents meets how to lose a guy in ten days

consider yourself briefed.

a comedy-romance.
not a romantic comedy.
all i mean by that is that you are going to laugh,
and men will laugh.

it is that almost painful situational humor stuff that is just so fun.

in my humble, yet correct opinion: 4.5/5

own it or rent it: own it

[not so] long-winded movie review: knowing

aliens. there i ruined it.
the book of revelations as you thought you knew it was actually resulted from aliens.

oh, and when the earth burns, it will be because of aliens.

there. now you know not to see this film that will ensure to waste 2 hours of your precious wedding-planning weekend time that you will never get back.

yes, i ruined it for you. the first 45 minutes are kind of cool slash pretty creepy, but then they give it eh ole, "oh crap, we have a huge plot hole that we need to fill and don't know what to do. i know, ALIENS!!"

gaytown hollywood. i want my 8 bucks back.

in my humble, yet correct opinion: (not worthy of rating. this movie was so paul blart)
own or rent it? just take a sharp object to your eyeball instead. that sounds like fun.

thoughts & quotes

thanks to my cute rose friend,
we all cuddled up the other night to watch this adorable flick


i woke up this morning with this running through my head
...for no apparent reason at all:

"dear baby, i hope someday somebody wants to hold you for 20 minutes straight and that's all they do. they don't pull away. they don't look at your face. they don't try to kiss you. all they do is wrap you up in their arms and hold on tight, without an ounce of selfishness in it."

-waitress

ok ok ok! this might be too personal for some... but in honor of L-O-V-E month...

(now you can choose not to read it,
rather than sit and suffer through the story in person.)

but it's going to have to come in pieces,
cause all in one = projectile vomit.

here is the brief synopsis of how this happened:


CC and i have been friends for a good 5 or so years.
back before i went to byu and he went to asu we were at mcc,
and he and my brother ran the single scene...

i always thought he was cute, and always liked him,
but i was always dating someone, so was he,
and then i didn't live here,
so the thought didn't really have time to "linger longer"...

every time i come home, we have a mini ritual:

i call {him} slash his roommate and make them bring their guitars to come sing to me.
they show up, make me tell them all about the last relationship drama that i was in,
and they share as well...
typical of most of my close plutonic manfriend relationships...
then they proceed through the repertoire that has been steadily growing for about 5 years or so...

side note:
chris has always remembered my "first favorites"
and just saying those words,
he will start in with the ones that i
(long ago) deemed my favorite.

a month after i got home,
(still not sure i was staying here)
his roommate couldn't come.
sad for him...

when he walked in, [he later recounted]
his first thought was: "it's going to be different this time"....
and his second thought was, "where have i been?!"

love that.

so we hung out a few days, and then he asked me out.
truth be told, he is usually a very slow guy....
i happen to know cause i knew about all of his relationships
and how they went—he told me.

the "first date"
(that we later realized was more like the 5th or so across a 5-year spread)
felt like any other at the beginning...
but by the end, it was like a few months in!

so that's that.
i get emotional when i think of how great his family is.
i find i have little to no appetite most of the time....(love the love diet!)
and i can't remember a time i have ever felt happier...
its proof that God loves me.

...that's all.

proceed to vomit...

its a love story - behind the blog

i know you all want to know...

you are all gathering in coffee shops (or at sonic) and giggling as you discuss what i am up to, and why, honestly, i would stay in the "third most boring city in america."

i can tell you two things:

suddenly, there are a million things to do and see here.....
{like, the chocolate festival, and first friday?!}

and two: without an ounce of coercion, he made me stay...

MM & CC/M&C
(at the chocolate festival)

bring it on!

i know, you want to gag now, and you might as well get it out of your system because this here blog is about to go super cheese on you!

...phew...

...about a week ago, on the morning of my interview,

i found a little sumpin on my doorstep...

couldn't believe that someone would go through the effort,
or even be this thoughtful...

i nailed the second interview,
snuck past the extensive background check,

and i am now employed!!!

thanks, to the cute/crazy thoughtful guy for giving me the plastered smile all day
that caused me to breeze right on through...

cross one thing off my to-do list this year.
real salaried job: check.


the list of things that i need to purchase
with new said income begins with:

new glasses/contacts,
laptop (member, mine crashed),
photography class,
guitar lessons,
new profesh attire! woo woo!,
eating out at new fun places,
back to spoiling my nieces,
begin to try and get my dad back
for having to take care of me for so long...
THEN, perhaps a new vehicle,
and THEN a new place of residence....

phew.
two tons just kindly flew by...

mongolian BBQ

yesterday, my cute lunch date took me to this serious yummy mongolian place.
i am a sucker for all things ethnic and new. YC's BBQ, you satiated both needs.

you buy lunch by the bowl, shove it full of uncooked/frozenish meat, veggies, and noodles. the best part though: the array of sauces. they have maybe 20 or so that you can mix and match according to recipes visibly hanging on the wall. they make curries, or thai-ish, or more chinese-ish or spicy-ish type things. i was salivating at the thought alone...

then the dude (of some ethnic background) takes my bowl of packed uncookedness and throws it right on this wheel that cooks it. like a mongolian tepanyaki (the jap's way). he moves it around with huge pool ques and then just drops it back into a clean bowl.

naughty. that's all i have to say about that.

and though i didn't pay, i would say it was also reasonably priced, and incredibly tasty. and, as my date noted, quite repeatable. we could go 100 times before repeating the same meal, unless of course you died eating what you got the first time... then repeat away.

i might be needing to try that again sometime in the near future.
the date, and the food, that is...

(pictures not my own.)

the point is, if you haven't already,
find one of these hoohah places and try it immediately.
i'm sure you've got one too,
and i am sure it is awesome.

mac and i are going through something and would appreciate some space here...

you know what? [sniffle] i am sick of this!

every time i try to turn you on, you shut down on me!

then, i try to push all your buttons that i know get you going...

nothin!


this relationship isn't going to last very long—i can tell...

i don't care if you are a G4 model... who's been the one to take care of you all these years?

maybe you need your memory rebooted, or some more space leftover on your drive....

where is all that drive being used up anyway!
[incessant tears]

you know, if you died i would just find a new model... one that, i know, could meet all my needs and more...

whatever it is, just come back to me...[pause for dramatic effect]...

cause i don't want to have to leave you... [dramatic turn with the hanky... and exit]

INSTALLING A HUSBAND

i got this from my mom last night... and it was exactly what i needed, slash it also feeds into a hint of marital fear... oh well.

Enjoy!

Dear Tech support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a

distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower

and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as

Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable

programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the

system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,

Desperate.

DEAR DESPERATE,

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband

1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to

download Tears 6.2

and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works

as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications

Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers

35.

But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to

default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note that

Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download

the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother- In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the

background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources)

Also do not attempt to

reinstall Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are

unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory

and cannot learn new

applications quickly. You might consider buying

additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking

3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,

Tech Support

MEN, comma, where you at?

i was once told that if you have something that needs to be said to just "blog it out".
here goes:

quick sidenote: i have a serious lack of tact, as you, i'm sure, have gathered. and yes, it was my new year's resolution to find it, so i maybe shouldn't be saying this, except that my rule is that if i could say it to your face, i can tell other people... and that includes the cyberland where a lurking neanderthal might care to read what i am about anyway...
so if there is one who would care enough to read this, maybe it would be enlightening for him to know...

that it's not all about you!

I am going to tell you what kind of guys i love. just love love love meeting...
the ones that:

• give me their resume in the first 5 minutes i meet them
• don't stop talking long enough to remember that there is another human in the room
  
• have zero hidden talents: "hey- check out this really cool thing that i did..." [looking at something really not so cool]
  
• go: "how was your day... ok, now back to what i was saying about me... i'm awesome right? did you hear that? didn't you want to compliment me...? sorry, i'm fishing..."
  
• think my career choice is lame and try to cover their opinion with a very unconvincing smile and "oh, that is so neat..." i just can't get enough of those-types.
  
• ask me to be "facebook friends" not minutes after learning my name.... tacky. why can't we be just like real-life-human-2-human-contact friends first?
• oh–try to make contact/ask me out/say something they should in person using some online form of communication...
  
• remind me how much older and wiser than me they are, and give me spiritual and emotional advice as if they are my mentor and i pay them....so cute.
  

why have i met like 5 men like this in the past month? ok- so you have some obscurely great job. like maybe you work for the "government" or you "consult" or something. i call these "magical jobs" because it is usually something that most likely fell in your lap, that happens to be "right up your alley" and for this secret skill of yours this random company pays you far too much money... which is another point you love to remind the ladies of at any chance... ok- not all of you do this... but still.

what happened to my radical crew of guys that i went to high school with? the ones that never needed to give me a reason to like them other than show a girl how to have a good time? my mesa boys that were so chill? where are my brothers from p-town and the stoop–the ones that would just show up to play and relax. no need to entertain each other. we could just be.

big shout out to my crew of old friends- now mostly married, but nevertheless,
i miss you:

e-rob • casserole boy (mattenater) • dev • kurt • dan in real life • jeremy • mitchell flynn • tyler • seanathan • corbin • chadley • beaner • bradley • jordan • lucas • chase • danny • daniel • steven james • kevin • jared• dave m • chad • paul (both of them) • chris • logan • cramer • cody • even kendall • even brock...

oh. in case you ever want to feel better about your life in a quick instant, just make a quick list of a handful of men that made you smile even though they didn't date you...

suddenly, living in the single world isn't so bad again.

dear dating,

not sure how i feel about you right now...

you force me to sometimes go do awkward things i am not all that excited about with people that are not all that interested in anything except the people fighting to run this country... as much as i love thrashing palin, just like the next guy, i guess i also want to know what else goes on in your brain... i know. high concept.

you cause me to stress when i am repeatedly snubbed by the men who most likely hate me now because of the date that we went on...where i might have said you were white (in reference to your inability to show me up on the dance floor perhaps... just perhaps...)

you make me think far too much and try to make decisions that i don't want to ever make, which incidentally, i am sure is a sign of my immaturity...

sometimes i hate you because you make me love people and then leave them hanging cause i can't see myself marrying them... and they usually can't be friends... hello? i watch football too, ya know!

you attach my family to another person that i can't keep around which also generally creates a "family breakup" which is almost worst than the initial one...

you do, on the other hand, sometimes provide for conversations that make me feel unique, beautiful, worth it... or just fun ones about music, books, movies, random things...

you help me to see, in pieces, how i might be useful in this world, or at least in someone else's life...


...whatever, dating. i am going to just have a platonic relationship with you for now... and then we will see how i feel about you after a while... but don't get too comfortable, cause i am thinking about nunneries.... and no, that is not a threat or a challenge...


(no, is the answer, reader. i am fine and not in the middle of a crisis or anything,
just thinking... and it might be too personal for you. get over it.)

on a different note,
i have found a new best friend!
brittany, my roommate.
she is like a sister
and we just went and saw a movie
(a week late) for her birthday...
that she really wanted to see
and the other roommates sort of bailed on
The Women. loved it.
there are only women in the movie.
like not a single man...
all the kids are girls, the dogs are girls....
and i will admit that,
while i appreciated the 2 hour break,
it was a little hard to handle
good to know.
can't live with em or without em...

food, friends, and a handful of lemons

i live on the east coast.

there is good eats here.

i ate at a place called "oohs and ahhs"-- strictly soul food. collared greens, mashed yams, cornbread, potato salad, steak, ribs, and fried chicken... and yes, we ate it all.... and paid for it the whole night...

we watched this movie. so choice. (review soon on other blog...)

i also went to an improv show called "POTUS (pres. of the U.S.) Among Us." the comedians all have a phony platform and we vote on just two and they have various hilarious scenes that play out before we elect one to make a speech... so funny...

went to this place. danced in my latin shoes for over an hour and a half with a tall white kid that could show me whats what on the salsa floor. he gushed the whole way home about how good i was and how fast i picked it up... (please... white chocolate packs it in the back... and my mama gave me rhythm... sue me.)

then we went by a falafel place. let me tell you about the goodness that is the amsterdam falafel: take chickpeas and mash em, roll em into balls and then fry em, then put them into a pita with a yogurty sauce, onions with garlicy mess on em, cucumbers, tomatoey things... talk about heaven. if you get one, be sure to smash your balls to fit in all the goodness (a sign said that- not me... but i just said it too... so...)


now, some inspiration: sent to me from the principal of my school this evening. might be a hint campy, but perhaps sometimes i need a reminder...

LEMONS and SUGAR

This should probably be taped to your bathroom mirror
where one could read it every day.
You may not realize it, but it's 100% true.


1. There are at least two people in this world that you would die for.

2. At least 15 people in this world
love you in some way.

3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you
is because they want to be just like you.

4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.

5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.

6. You mean the world to someone.

7. You are special and unique.

8. Someone that you don't even know exists, loves you.

9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.

10. When you think the world has turned its back on, you
take another look.

11. Always remember the compliments you received.
Forget about the rude remarks.

And always remember....
when life hands you Lemons,
ask for Sugar and call me over!

life lessons from a random black man in adam's morgan...

today has been a day of learning for this west coaster...

LA-— the other intern in the theatre dept., showed up this morning explaining how he (a larger in stature black man that i wouldn't mess with even with a million dollars in my pocket and a gun in my hand) almost got mugged... he was just walking by his house to get to the bus and these two 17-year-old kids circled him like they was going to get all up in his face and he just jumped on the one until he was sufficiently scared (while the other kid ran) and then he too joined his cowardly accomplice. i guess as he was walking away, he was telling his grandmother bout it on the phone when he watched some middle-aged woman get her purse snatched, right in front of 30 or so people, including a military officer who all just sat and watched the poor woman run after the guy in her heels....

that was my morning...

in the evening, i discovered the greatness that is "adam's morgan." it is the original harlem area where the black jazz babies got their start. i will be returning as soon as humanly possible.

as we first round the corner into the strip of fun places to check out we run into a guy that randomly says as we pass, "your dad said you are supposed to call him" to my date. ok... whatev. note to self: crazies are abundant—be. ware.

my eclectic date (everyone is using that word right now, btw, it is like my first semester at byu when everyone said "ambiguous" all the time...random.) took me to an area with a little band playing in the window, and before we went inside, i got an urban vernacular lesson from the random man sitting against the window to "feel the vibes." i do enjoy the occasional reggae vibe pulsating through my back...

as we sat there with him he explained that "people just don't respect the crown of david anymore. ya know what that is right? the crown of david? david's crown? dreadlocks."
it goes with the Rastafarian belief that the dreads represent power because of the Nazarites mentioned in the bible that wore them... Samson, Samuel, John the Baptist...etc. interesting.

we asked him if he had them (he had a hat on) and he said "no, because I just graduated college"
ah. I would hate to have dreads weighing down my college experience...
"you do know what college is, right?"
am i stupid? no... i did that for like 7 years, thanks...
"round here, we call 'college' prison"
cause you entered a new school of thought? or because it was four years of sleep..?

then he told us the place to be was across the way, cept it dun been shut down on account of the "batties" took em over and they shut it down not two weeks ago...

me: ok. so what are "batties"
random black man: you know.
me: no, actually, i don't.
random black man: think about it honey...
me: still don't know actually...
random black man: like a girl batty... or a boy batty?
me: sorry?
random black man: like gays.
me: i'm so using that.

then we went inside the little reggae bar...
the band was yummy, playing mostly classic reggae that you would recognize, only they were better... and live. we got drinks and danced a bit. note: this is a small place- so like 20 people at best, and we were 2 of 4 white people.... one, who perhaps didn't see my male friend and therefore my sexual orientation because she invaded some serious personal space trying to make me "feel the music" with her. thank you date for saving me.
apparently this place also serves west african food, so i will be back to discover what that entails. can it be bad? i submit that it cannot.

then we met up with the rest of the group over at "tryst" more of a coffee/jazz/cafe/diner=type place... also very moderny with an old town feel and totally different atmosphere. also loved it.

glad to get a taste of the underworld of DC. i love love the embedded culture and heart of the place. so much to learn and so little time. we almost went salsa/latin dancing too... but alas—no shoes. next outing will perhaps give me the jitter bug release i am looking for...

what becomes of dating myself...

i have to say that dating myself is going great.

friday nights are for eating nice: pita chips and chicken salad, topped off with a scrumptious bowl of Honey Bunches of Oats®.

after talking with a few dear friends on the cell,
my {bowl of goodness} and i settle at the kitchen table
to "get some light reading done."

or so i thought...

do not try to read the following book lightly.
i sat down with 1/3 to go, and finished it in what felt like minutes.

it reads like a screenplay, giving you everything you need to imagine the reality of what is going on.
almost painfully.

a roommate walked out the door the very moment i closed the book,
and at 9:00pm, with no one in my house, i wept.

{the vivid truths embedded in fiction have got me again.}

moving, powerful, painful, cathartic, spiritual, beautiful.

read it.



Khalad Hosseini's
The Kite Runner
















A favorite excerpt:

PANIC.
You open your mouth. Open it so wide your jaws creak. you order your lungs to draw air. NOW, you need air, need it NOW. But your airways ignore you. They collapse, tighten, squeeze, and suddenly you're breathing through a drinking straw. Your mouth closes and your lips purse and all you can manage is a strangled croak. Your hands wriggle and shake. Somewhere a dam has cracked open and a flood of cold sweat spills, drenches your body. You want to scream. You would if you could. But you have to breathe to scream.
Panic.

-pg. 121, The Kite Runner

cue the Charlie Brown pity music...

sometimes being single is purely pathetic...

like having to take yourself out on a hot date—and enjoying it...for the most part.

last night i went to see "Berlin" the musical put on by BYU at the LDS Motion Picture Studio. i have to say i was impressed. naturally, i will review the details of my adoration for said entertainment on the other blog, but this is beside the point.

i wore these hot green shoes, (as i have been wearing green all week to prepare), and a green shirt to match. and i am on my 2nd or third day of straight hair, which for me—makes it great.

problem: getting dressed up and seeing a show by myself is in a lot of ways very fulfilling. i can cry all i want and no one will say anything about it. i can fall in love with the male lead (which happens more than i care to admit) and not feel guilty for swooning.

i have to say though, there is nothing more lonely than coming out of a great show, that i wasn't in, and (after giving my love to 1/2 the cast that i know and love) i just leave. i can't even talk about it really. i can't sit with my show-going lover that also enjoyed the experience and say, "yeah- and like how they did this... so cool huh!" and there is something about the "all dressed up with nowhere to go" syndrome. i feel that is a real condition of quasi-depression.

the next hour of my date therefore consisted of driving around and singing in my car because i just didn't want to go home. 1/2 of my apartment is in San Fran this weekend visiting cute married people and taking great pictures anyway, and i already blew through most of the Office... so i drove around and listened to some songs that made me think of the places here and the memories i have attached to them. it is wierd that i have been here for 3 years when i look back.

finally, i caught up with some friends and filled my night with some laughing and snacking and Arrested Development... and felt a little better.

as a side note: i thought guys liked it when you were straightforward with them. i could have sworn that being honest was the way to go. so why then should i feel bad when i admit i am not interested? should i be punished for that? example: 'i would rather not go do that, but can we do lunch?' No. i don't want to ever talk to you again...ever! uh.... ok?

so maybe i feel lonely because i sometimes feel that i am trapped in a sandbox with kids who don't play nice!